Seirra Says

MY TEXT TO HER: Ugh, Seirra, I hate doing this housework, cleaning is SO boring and hard!

HER REPLY TEXT: Well, get used to it househusband; now get back in the kitchen and make me a pot pie!

“Did you know that in order for a woman to be allowed to have kids they have to be a ninja master?”

MY OWN VIEW: Sometimes when I get REALLY weird texts like this from her, I at least try and decipher them. I didn’t even ATTEMPT this time.

“Silvester Stilone looks like road kill molded from cat poo.”

“Why couldn’t this have been like last year’s post Halloween flu? Nausious and Horny.”

MY RESPONSE: That was a GOOD November.

“Is it just me, or did all Italians and Greeks before the renaissance look like chubby, mediocre-ugly women?”

“I’m gonna blow your mind so hard you won’t even want a BJ”

“Vaginas during menstruation are like running noses, rubbing only makes it worse.”

“You need to be here so all the black kids will stop sexually harassing me.”

“Ooh nice virgin blood!”

“Hey baby, can I have an Arwen sword repleca for my birthday?”